Halfway

Today, the yoga challenge reached its midpoint.

logoI am watching my body tighten. My muscles seem to have pushed into the former fat dimples – not entirely, but enough to notice.

I walk up stairs with energy, even excitement. What was once a hesitation and a struggle feels almost bouncy now.

Yesterday I caught myself making Ani Difranco arms after I brushed my teeth. And then in the reflection of the car window. And later while riding my bike. I feel strong. I feel like a fucking Righteous Babe.

Most important, though, (of even greater concern than paralleled yoga braids and dynamic thighs) is my emotional sturdiness.
I’ve struggled with my emotional health for as long as I’ve had intense feelings. (So, 13?) For example:

  • I shout at my kids. Like scream. It’s too much really.
  • I cry for reasons including: my boss called; my underwear doesn’t fit right; I got a parking ticket.

But these past 15 days have been different. I’ve been composed. Life doesn’t feel so impossible and terrifying. I’m turned on.

And this past weekend, I didn’t notice that my kids were being difficult.

(Is it also also possible that they weren’t being difficult? No. No it’s not.)

All of this is to say that I am more polished today than I was two weeks ago. Look for me in 15 days. I’ll be the one gleaming.

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Mel Kozakiewicz a professor, editor, writer, and mother of two.